“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
The NLT says, “so a friend sharpens a friend“
We all have friends who sharpen us in one way or another. But, have you ever stopped to ponder exactly what it is that you’re being sharpened for?
Are you being sharpened to use as a weapon that brings destruction and death?
Or are you being sharpened as a life-giving soul ready to bring goodness, grace, and truth?
On the surface, it’s not always easy to tell. Most of us love our friends, the good, the bad, and the in between. And that’s good. We should show love and grace to all people.
But we should also take a good inventory of the people we are allowing into the inner most parts of our lives. Are those people helping to build us up and encourage us in God’s truth? Or do they encourage us to believe the lies of the world? And are we truly an encouragement to them? Do we sharpen them to be warriors for the Kingdom, or are we sharpening and enabling their worst qualities?
Have you ever heard that saying that bad company corrupts good character? Well, that’s not just a saying, its God’s Word. Paul was correcting believers who had been led astray by false teaching and in 1 Corinthians 15:33 he says, “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning…”
You will be sharpened one way or the other by the people who are closest to you.
Do you want to be sharpened to be used for God’s best and to make an impact for good in this world?
Or do you want to be sharpened to be a bump in the road of God’s plan, a nuisance to be dealt with and forgotten about, leaving no real lasting imprint in this life?
Just yesterday, a friend of mine told me a story about a conversation she recently had with another good friend.
She had been having a difficult time with a certain situation involving her pre-teen son. She asked her friend if she had handled the problem right, and his immediate (almost automatic) response was “yes.”
Even so, in her spirit, she knew she hadn’t handled it in the best way, and she also knew her friend was trying to spare her feelings.
Instead of leaving it at that though, my friend opened up and said, “hey, I know you don’t want to hurt my feelings, but I would like your honest insight, that’s why I asked you…”
She told me that after she said that, her friend completely relaxed and then told her what he really thought, that he would have handled it differently and gave her some suggestions to try next time.
My friend said that the truth was really hard to hear, but she valued it so much because he gave it to her in love, with honorable intentions behind it. And she was grateful to have his fresh perspective she had been seeking.
I love the power of that story so much because it brings to life a deep need that we all have.
We all need people in our lives who are going to build us up, encourage us, tell us the truth when we are wrong, love us in every situation, and then help us to succeed.
Do you have friends like that?
Do your friends help to build you up, or do they tear you down?
Do your friends encourage you to be the best you can be, or do they put down your gifts and talents?
Do your friends help you to see when you’re wrong, or do they puff up your pride by blaming everyone else for your mistakes?
When they do correct you, are they doing it in love and with pure motives, or are they doing it to hurt you or make themselves feel better?
Do you have friends that you can trust your deepest darkest secrets with?
Do your friends help you to rise above your temptations, or do they encourage you to give in?
Do your friends gossip with or about you, or do they encourage you to see the best in others?
It’s so important for us all to find a few close friends who will encourage us, pray with us, pray for us, build us up, and check in on us. Friends who we can share our dreams with, no matter how silly they feel. Friends who we can turn to when we need help. Friends who will guide us in truth. Friends who will constantly point us back to Jesus.
These friends are not to be taken lightly, and they are not always found easily.
So, here are 5 ways to find amazing friends who will become those “iron sharpening iron” people.
- BE A GREAT IRON SHARPENER – To find great friends, you first have to be a great friend. If you’re looking for friends who will share the truth in love with you, be a person who shares the truth in love. If you want encouraging friends, be an encourager. If you want friends who love unconditionally, practice unconditional love. If you want friends who don’t gossip about you, don’t be a gossip. You don’t have to excel at these things, but you should put them into practice. The idea here is that we tend to attract people to us who are similar to us. Practice the qualities that you want to see in your friends and the right friends will be attracted to you.
- PARTICIPATE IN YOUR LOCAL CHURCH – I’m not talking about just showing up on Sunday for the weekly message. I mean really participate. Sign up to serve, participate in extra services or ministries. Does your church have a Wednesday night ministry? Get involved. Join in your church’s mission activities, help with office work, volunteer in the areas that you are gifted in. Does your church do leadership training, or offer special gatherings for volunteers? How about spiritual growth classes? If you have an opportunity for any of these things, jump in. Be an active participant with other believers. This way you are positioning yourself alongside people who have similar values and beliefs. Get to know these people, they may just end up being your best friends!
- JOIN A SMALL GROUP – Does your church do small groups, lifegroups, growth groups, or even a small Sunday school group? Join one! There is no better way to build community than joining a small group of like-minded believers so that you may all grow better together. The intimacy and the vulnerability of a small group offers you a perfect opportunity to find those “iron sharpening” friends. As you grow in God with other people, it builds lasting relationships based on a mutual love for Him.
- DON’T WRITE OFF CHANCE ENCOUNTERS – Just because someone isn’t on your serving team or in your small group, doesn’t mean that they were not divinely placed in your life. I met one of my best friends by a chance encounter one day. Our husbands had casually met at a men’s conference months before. They didn’t even go to our church at that time, actually they didn’t even live in the same state we did! But they were planning to move to our town. Since we had recently moved too, we had tons of boxes that my husband offered to them. They stopped by one weekend to just pick up a few boxes and ended up staying for hours. I instantly knew that she would be a life long friend. I am so thankful for moving boxes, because without them, I may have missed the chance to know this amazing and beautiful person who challenges me daily with the grace and beauty of her life.
- PRAY FOR THEM – If you’re looking for God-given friends, what better way to find them than asking God for them? Pray that He would lead people into your life who would be a light for Him and point you back to Him. Pray for opportunities to grow your friendship. Pray for divine encounters with the people God wants you to do life with. Pray for God to send these people to you, and then pray for the wisdom to recognize when He has. And once you have found these friends, never stop praying for them!
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Blessings and love,
Tiffany
What am I being sharpened for? Wow. That’s a great question to ask ourselves when we think of this verse. It’s not one I usually think about. It definitely is tough to be in the situation where we have to give hard words of wisdom to someone else, but that’s what best friends do for each other. I’m thankful for friends like that.
I am so thankful for friends like that too Lisa! Thank you so much for leaving such a sweet comment! Have a blessed week!
Blessings,
Tiffany
Hey Tiffany,
This is a really great word today! You have shared so many good thing to think about and questions to consider.
Your 5 ways to find these friends are also very helpful and practical.
I’ve pinned your post here: https://www.pinterest.com/melredd/blog-link-parties-and-blog-link-ups/
And, I believe many people will be blessed and encouraged by the words that you have written.
I came over on Grace and Truth, and I’m glad to find your post today!
Blessings,
Melanie
Thank you so much for those kind words Melanie! And thank you for sharing! I do hope this post is able to bless others, because I really just wrote it to remind myself! Thank you so much for visiting!
Blessings,
Tiffany
Major heart check, Tiffany. Thank you! My family recently made a major move, so finding friends has been a struggle. This challenges me to not only be prayerful of the friends I seek out, but also the friend I want to be. And…Military wives ROCK! (so do wives of recently retired military )