Admiration vs. Love

Did you know that sometimes people (women especially) confuse admiration with love? A doe-eyed young lady who dreams of one day marrying her prince, comes across someone who checks off every expectation on her wish list- even though she knows nothing about him… BAM- she’s in love! A woman, married for decades, meets a gentleman who is everything she always wished her husband would be… who is everything she prayed for BEFORE she ever got married- then she mentally slips into believing that she has fallen out of love with her husband and into love with this new knight in shining armor… BAM- love! Right? Hmmmm- not so much.

These situations may not be hitting all that far from home for some people (male or female). The problem isn’t the fact that these thoughts entered the young woman’s mind, or that the seasoned wife longed for what her heart always thought she’d have. After all, we are built and designed to yearn for a perfect love that is real and completely transparent. The problem lies in the fact that we confuse admiration with love, and that we believe we can fulfill that love-longing with another human being.

So what do you do when you are lacking in contentment and see another face that seems to fulfill all your dreams? Is it love? Maybe… but more than likely it is simple admiration. You recognize that there is something (or many things) in the other person that you hold in high regards. Kudos to them and kudos to you for recognizing it in another human being! Don’t dig too much deeper than that though… because that’s really all it boils down to (even if emotions scream otherwise). How can you tell the difference between love and admiration?

1. Did God lead you to that person specifically and is God’s peace present between you?

2. Are one or both of you married (but not to each other)? If so… NOT LOVE!!! God will never send you someone else’s husband or wife- it is not in His character and He NEVER goes against His own Word. He may bring you together if, God forbid, something happens to the spouse(s)- but it will not be God ordained as long as there is a marriage still in existence.

3. How well do you really know the person? If all you know is how they walk, talk, and look… then it’s probably just admiration. Do you know their middle name, favorite things, quirks, shortcomings? Think hard about these things; can you really be in love with someone you know virtually nothing about?

It’s fine to admire someone who is not your spouse, but you tread very dangerous waters when you entertain romantic notions regarding them. Let’s review what love really is:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.                     (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love is not jealous (maybe of another’s spouse?), it does not seek its own (selfish desires/expectations), does not rejoice in unrighteousness (if it’s not of God, then it’s not real love), endures all things (even giving up something that is greatly desired). Convinced you love someone who isn’t meant to be yours? Endure… and consider it a sacrifice for the GREATER love you have for the Father. He is the only love that will fill every void in your soul. Are you still looking for your prince charming or still praying your husband will become one? Don’t let another’s positive traits trick you into believing that you are in love with them… love is a decision grown through joys and trials, over a period of time. Romeo and Juliet were not in true love- no matter how much their hormonal emotions told them they were. So, don’t let your feelings deceive you; they are as inconsistent as the wind anyway. Rely on the only One who loves you with a deep, true, and completely transparent love. Even if you’re longing for love or think you married the wrong person, rest in Christ’s arms and keep on praying… “Love never fails” (1 cor. 13:8)